Then there is everyday life. My husband came home this week. I'm not sure I mentioned the fact that I am an oilfield wife. I know I said I was alone most of the time, but not sure I told you why. So my husband works 3 weeks on and 3 weeks off. Its really a hard life to live. I don't see him at all for 3 weeks and only talk to him about once a night. Then when he comes home he is under my feet 24/7 unless he is fishing. So the first few days he is home my world is thrown upside down because I have to adjust to him being home again. This time he was at work for 28 days so I had an extra week by myself. I thought 3 weeks was hard 4 weeks is killer. I miss my husband while he is gone, but thats not the hard part. The hard part is trying to stay sane juggling everything the way I do. I have set routines and that helps. My kids are in the tub at 7 and bed at 8. As I type this, my son is actually sitting in my lap so I'm trying to type, keep him from typing, or falling or drawing on my computer since he just found my pencil. My life is filled with chaos. This week has my nerves on edge already and it just started. I took my daughter to the dentist last week because she was complaining of a toothache. Found out that most of her teeth have cavities so had to schedule her for oral surgery. Went to schedule the appt and found out that even with our insurance it would cost me 4692...up front. I was freaking out. No way I could come up with all that! She needs the surgery as soon as possible because some of the cavities are down to the nerves and there is a chance of infection. Luckily the nurse checked to see if by some chance she was still covered by Medicaid and thank God she was. So now that I can afford to have the surgery she will go Thursday. I'm a nervous wreck. They will sedate her and fix all her teeth at once. I don't like the idea of my 4 year old being sedated. We go to the pediatrician tomorrow to get clearance for the surgery. Just thinking about Thursday makes me want to hyperventilate. I don't want my daughter to worry though so I tell her its going to be okay. I know it will be but it doesnt mean I'm not freaked out! I took her today to spend some one on one time with her. We went and got our nails done, and then bought her an Easter dress and took her to Chuck E Cheese. It was a fun day. I'm still dreading Thursday, but it was nice to be able to take her to have fun and see her pretty smile. I don't get very much alone time with her and I feel bad about it. I know she knows that I love her but I hate that I can't give her all of my attention like I want to. She is growing up too fast. It scares me to think that she will be a grown up one day. She told me yesterday that she wanted me to live with her when she was older so she could cook for me. It made me realize that wow there really will be a day when she moves out. She already knows it. I do too, but I don't like to think about it. I feel like if I blink she will be getting her license, going to prom, and moving out. All I can do is hold her tight and try to teach her the best I can. That freaks me out more than anything. Knowing that I am responsible for the person she will become. Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth... those words helped me bring my babies into this world and they will help me stay calm as I try to raise them. I have to remember that no matter how hectic and busy my school is they are my responsibility. My children come first, so if they are sick or hurting or just needing a hug I need to put down what I'm doing. Make sure they know they are loved and then get back to work. It might make me have to push deadlines to the last minute or work all night but as long as I stay calm I can do it. Focus on the goal, not the problem. It might be stressful and painful but the end will be rewarding.
So here goes another week of remembering to stay calm. Take things one at a time. Don't focus on the problem but on the solution. In through your nose, out through your mouth...I can do this...you can do this...
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